GRAM’S GIFT

“Girl… Get your lazy self up, and bring that basket of apples over here and help me.”

“Yes, Gram.”  I scrambled up off the couch and hurriedly grabbed the basket, almost knocking it over.  Helping Gram bake pies was always the highlight of my visit, and it had been so long since I had seen her.  I slammed the basket down and went to the corner of the old green kitchen to get the high stool that would allow me a bird’s eye view of gram’s handiwork.

Gram?  How did I get here?  A jolt of pain wracked my body as I flashed on scenes of long ago.

“Here I am Gram.”  I was out of breath from running.

“Girl, it’s so good to see you.  What have you been up to?”

I pulled my plaid uniform over my bare knees.  “Well, I got married a few years ago.  Matthew and I had a little girl last year.  Named her Katherine after you.  I so wished that you could have seen her.  She has your blue eyes and curly blond hair.”  My words gushed out like a waterfall.  “And she’s so good natured.  Nothing upsets her.  I really wish you could have seen her.”

Gram’s gnarled brown hands dipped into the flour and emerged a pasty, ghostly white.  “I know you must be a good mother.  You always did have a knack for caring ’bout things.  Why, ‘member that little bird you found outside by the old willow tree?  You nursed that thing right back to health.  Even after we told you not to bother.  You never did give up.  ‘Member how good you felt when it up and flew away?  We all felt good for you.”

            Gram’s fingers deftly kneaded the dough and rolled it out on the counter.  If I lived to be 100, I would never be able to smooth dough out quite like Gram.  “Tell me ‘bout Matthew.”  She continued working the dough, shaping it perfectly into the pan.

            I winced.  “I met him in college.  We were in the same history class.  He had the most soulful brown eyes.  I used to just melt whenever he looked my way.”  I drifted off, a dull throbbing ache pulsed through my temples.  My hands flew to my forehead and gently tried to erase the memory.  Gram’s soft knowing sigh brought me back.

            “I ‘member when I met your Grandpa.  Ooh, he could dance.  That first night he courted me we were at the Harvest Ball.  When he held me close and twirled me ‘round the floor…” She looked like a young girl.  She picked up a broom and held it before her, giggled shyly, and swirled around the kitchen.  “I liked to have died right then and there!”  Laughing, she bowed to the broom and carefully placed it back against the counter.

            As Gram finished shaping the dough into the pan, a shock of her salt and pepper hair fell into her face.  Brushing it aside, she began scooping the rich, cinnamon and apple mixture into the pan.  The smell of spices wrapped me in a cocoon of warmth and love.

            I hugged my arms around my legs and closed my eyes.  I wanted to freeze time because right then and there, nothing was wrong – there had not yet been an accident, and pain and loss had not yet shattered everything I knew.

            “Now, don’t go feeling sorry for yourself.  You had something more than most.  Some never get to know the happiness you did.”

            I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, hoping to choke her words out of my ears.

            “You have a wonderful home, a lovely child.  You had the opportunity to know the beauty of true love.  You’ve been blessed in many ways, girl.”

            “It’s not fair.”

            “Sometimes it never is.”

            I stood and looked out the window.  It was winter, and everything was white.  The elegant elm Matthew and I had fallen in love with so many years ago, the tree that made us buy this house, was bent over like an old man bearing a heavy burden.  Like my heart, I thought.  The snow blanketed our yard, unbroken by feet or fallen angels.  The sun was just rising, and soon Katherine would awaken.

            As I continued staring out the window, Gram’s voice drifted to me, seeming to come from very far away.

            “People you love never completely leave you.  We’re always in your thoughts and dreams.  I’m here in your house, always, and when you need me, I come.  And Matthew will too.  Stop and feel… I hold your hand, hug you tight.  And I sing Katherine to sleep at night.  Don’t spend so much time counting what you don’t have when there’s so much all around you.”  Her voice faded, and I found myself back on my couch, crying softly.

            Then, arms seemed to encircle me, and, for a brief moment, I felt peaceful.  And something else: hope.  “People you love never completely leave you…”

Katherine called to me from above.  I rose and prepared to start the day.

“People you love never completely leave you…”

Gram’s gift of hope embraced me.  Come on, Matthew, I thought, let’s go get Katherine.  And together we climbed the stairs.